Years ago, I had a professional connection to an 80 year old man who shared his struggle in retirement - and in the 9th decade in general - was to maintain relevance. To that end, he donated countless hours to development of independent living programs for adults on the autism spectrum. Now I am closing in on 70, have had 3 or 4 rounds of retirement, and the word "relevance" echoes in my head. TodayI manage a food bank. I build connections with people who do a lot of good work for others they will never meet. Mattering is part of the equation. The Blue Zones research calls it finding purpose; it's a variable that leads us to long and meaningful lives.
Thanks for sharing that story. I feel like I’m headed in that direction. I just started leading a book group with middle school kids via Big Brothers Big Sisters, and that the the potential to be more purpose-driven. Finding the right thing is really tricky (says the guy who hasn’t found it yet).
Hey Tom -- I just finished reading your well written article and a journey which resonates big time for me as I've been retired a few months. I loved the "help me find the bottom of my ego" as well as the great reflection statement at the end, "I'm quite confident that I matter to my wife, family, and friends" again hitting home for me. In fun, enjoy the humble baked goods!
Hi Ed, hope you’re enjoying it. I’ve been at retirement for around 3 years now and it has gotten a lot easier, that’s for sure. Today I sent on a nice morning hike with my wife, then went over to the farm to make fudge. Now I’m having a beer. That’s what I call a good day in retirement!
Dear Tom, loved the article and the note about your mental health in particular. As I read, I was thinking what a great human being you are; able to see your own warts and make appropriate change, not to mention be able to be ok with NOT KNOWING where you are going as well as able to share what you have found valuable along the journey. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for the reply Tom. Yes, I'd be interested in reading your update to see how things have progressed over the last year. I think my situation related to finding my next meaningful gig is somewhat complicated by the fact that we split our time between our place in Philadelphia and our lakehouse in New Hampshire, which means I'm not in either place year round! That makes it difficult to fully commit to something, but I'm figuring that out. Keep up the good writing, and be sure to check out Taylor's retirement podcast. Very financially focused but good practical advice.
That whole “Splitting the time” thing is complicated, isn’t it? I’m trying to volunteer for a local org but they want me to commit through the school year … and I want to get away for big parts of that. That’s tricky. I subscribed to Taylor’s podcast already and it’s really good. Loved his discussion about complicated vs complex problems.
I just heard this article mentioned on Taylor Schulte's Podcast. Great article Tom and it literally describes the exact experience I'm having since jumping into retirement last year. FOMO, where'd the $$ go, part time jobs, etc.! Good to know I'm not the only one.
Dan, thanks a bunch for your note. I don’t know that podcast, so I’ll look it up. Jumping into retirement is really damned weird, isn’t it? I wrote this piece nearly a year ago and I’m more at ease with it now … I think I’ve grown into some of those concerns I had last year. I should probably do an update. But yeah, you’re totally not alone. I think the only thing different about me is that I push myself to write it down and try to rub my own nose in some of my thinking.
Tom, I love this musing you wrote. I also had an ideal job for years, until it became less ideal, and I'll value that experience forever. Since then, I've navigated the tradeoff between meaning and money. I try to find meaning in the projects that pay well, while using the time those projects buy me to do things I believe have meaning and/or contribute to society (but are much less well-paid if at all). It's a weird balance, but it's worked for me for years. I'm subscribing and look forward to reading more of your perspectives on retirement and activity and life.
Thanks a lot for your note Stephanie. Those “ideal jobs” really are terrific. When I run into someone who is in one, I just hope they treasure it while it lasts. But most of the time it’s this hard trade off, isn’t it? I hope you keep finding the right balance. Thanks for subscribing.
Wow!! You nailed it! Great read. I'm in limbo myself, trying to find my footing on solid ground. I doubt that'll ever happen again. It's part of letting go and accepting change. I really can relate to what you're going through. You said it much better than I could, thanks for that, too.
Thanks Patti, that’s nice. Limbo’s a weird damned place to be, isn’t it? I’m still in it, in a way, now nearly a year later, but I’m getting more comfortable there.
I love this. I am currently on sabbatical and am feeling the pangs of this quote:
"It’s one thing to live on a budget in theory, quite another in practice. When you’re standing in the money stream, you might spend too much on dinner, but you say, oh well, there’s another paycheck coming in. Standing on the bank, you know there’s no more coming in. You’ve got your lifetime supply of restaurant money right there, pal, and you better use it wisely."
At the same time, it's in some way, really beautiful - to have gotten to a point where you can actively practice this before a truly older age (myself, I'm 34). There's this delicate balance you have to achieve with feeling abundant and not completely constrained. My attitude around essentialism and what truly matters to me has helped in this aspect.
Thanks Frank. I’ll go check out that article. It’s like 10 months since I wrote that piece and I think I’ve settled in to this a bit, maybe feel a little less anxious about stepping out of the money stream. I can see now that we’ll be fine and I don’t have to act like a miser. I just need to be conscious. But you put your finger on it: it’s a balance between abundance and constraint. I went out and bought a used convertible the other day. I liked that a lot!
Ah, you make it sound so simple! What’s funny is that before long the very concept of vacation goes away and you realize you aren’t on a respite from anything, you are living full-time in a life of your own creation.
Tom that is *precisely* what we should be practicing 🙂because if you “practice being retired” enough, the transition to retirement should be seamless. That’s the idea anyway
And if the transition is seamless, then when did we ever really retire? Or did we just slowly build out a life of our own creation to live out?
That process to self actualization starts with listening to our authentic self
I started this idea of vacationing like I’m retired after several people I know retired, then 2 weeks later got a job.
I realized they financially planned for retirement, but never emotionally planned for retirement. “…well….now what?…”
And yes totally agree. All advice sounds simple, and IS simple to agree with. Experiencing advice is where the real value is. Listening to advice is just to reaffirm once you’ve found it.
New subscriber here. Came in via a blurb in Khe Hy’s radreads.co newsletter yesterday. I love this post. I left my regular old engineering job life and started a laser engraving business in 2010. Still doing that today but maybe time for a change.
Hi Sara, I was wondering where a bunch of new readers were coming from! Thanks for signing on. I’ve got all kinds of questions about a laser engraving business … but the comments section is probably not the place for it.
This was a really good read. I read much of your words in the voice of my in-law who's struggling with retirement after a high-paying career. Thanks for sharing
Oh, that’s an interesting perspective to have. Both my wife and I had fathers who kind of “spun out” after retiring—they just got really weird. I’m keenly aware of that risk, but I don’t think I’ve lost it. Having control over how I retired probably mattered a lot; I’ve seen people get pushed into retirement involuntarily and that looks to be a whole different ball game.
Thank you for sharing your journey. Work got the biggest chunck of our life and it will take time to disengage. Work though should never define us, we are define by our creator God. We plan, we save and when its time, we let go of the grind and enjoy the fruits of our labor. We always matter. Blessings to you and your family.
Tom, I found you on Reddit - someone re-posted your piece on not going paid on Substack. Great post but this one really resonates as I'm also sorting out a new life post corporate career and part of that is shaping up to be writing about what I want. Look forward to reading more from you. Best, Andrew
I enjoyed reading this, Tom! Transitions are brutal. But the authors of ‘Ikigai‘ suggest that meaning is found in daily activities, and there is no real retirement for the good denizens of Okinawa.
p.s. I hope you add my substack to your reading stack as well, it is free out of the gate! :-)
Years ago, I had a professional connection to an 80 year old man who shared his struggle in retirement - and in the 9th decade in general - was to maintain relevance. To that end, he donated countless hours to development of independent living programs for adults on the autism spectrum. Now I am closing in on 70, have had 3 or 4 rounds of retirement, and the word "relevance" echoes in my head. TodayI manage a food bank. I build connections with people who do a lot of good work for others they will never meet. Mattering is part of the equation. The Blue Zones research calls it finding purpose; it's a variable that leads us to long and meaningful lives.
Thanks for sharing that story. I feel like I’m headed in that direction. I just started leading a book group with middle school kids via Big Brothers Big Sisters, and that the the potential to be more purpose-driven. Finding the right thing is really tricky (says the guy who hasn’t found it yet).
Hey Tom -- I just finished reading your well written article and a journey which resonates big time for me as I've been retired a few months. I loved the "help me find the bottom of my ego" as well as the great reflection statement at the end, "I'm quite confident that I matter to my wife, family, and friends" again hitting home for me. In fun, enjoy the humble baked goods!
Hi Ed, hope you’re enjoying it. I’ve been at retirement for around 3 years now and it has gotten a lot easier, that’s for sure. Today I sent on a nice morning hike with my wife, then went over to the farm to make fudge. Now I’m having a beer. That’s what I call a good day in retirement!
Dear Tom, loved the article and the note about your mental health in particular. As I read, I was thinking what a great human being you are; able to see your own warts and make appropriate change, not to mention be able to be ok with NOT KNOWING where you are going as well as able to share what you have found valuable along the journey. Thanks for sharing!
Well, that’s an incredibly generous comment! I’m sure I don’t live up to it, but it’s very kind of you.
Thanks for the reply Tom. Yes, I'd be interested in reading your update to see how things have progressed over the last year. I think my situation related to finding my next meaningful gig is somewhat complicated by the fact that we split our time between our place in Philadelphia and our lakehouse in New Hampshire, which means I'm not in either place year round! That makes it difficult to fully commit to something, but I'm figuring that out. Keep up the good writing, and be sure to check out Taylor's retirement podcast. Very financially focused but good practical advice.
That whole “Splitting the time” thing is complicated, isn’t it? I’m trying to volunteer for a local org but they want me to commit through the school year … and I want to get away for big parts of that. That’s tricky. I subscribed to Taylor’s podcast already and it’s really good. Loved his discussion about complicated vs complex problems.
Hi Tom,
I just heard this article mentioned on Taylor Schulte's Podcast. Great article Tom and it literally describes the exact experience I'm having since jumping into retirement last year. FOMO, where'd the $$ go, part time jobs, etc.! Good to know I'm not the only one.
Dan, thanks a bunch for your note. I don’t know that podcast, so I’ll look it up. Jumping into retirement is really damned weird, isn’t it? I wrote this piece nearly a year ago and I’m more at ease with it now … I think I’ve grown into some of those concerns I had last year. I should probably do an update. But yeah, you’re totally not alone. I think the only thing different about me is that I push myself to write it down and try to rub my own nose in some of my thinking.
Tom, I love this musing you wrote. I also had an ideal job for years, until it became less ideal, and I'll value that experience forever. Since then, I've navigated the tradeoff between meaning and money. I try to find meaning in the projects that pay well, while using the time those projects buy me to do things I believe have meaning and/or contribute to society (but are much less well-paid if at all). It's a weird balance, but it's worked for me for years. I'm subscribing and look forward to reading more of your perspectives on retirement and activity and life.
Thanks a lot for your note Stephanie. Those “ideal jobs” really are terrific. When I run into someone who is in one, I just hope they treasure it while it lasts. But most of the time it’s this hard trade off, isn’t it? I hope you keep finding the right balance. Thanks for subscribing.
Wow!! You nailed it! Great read. I'm in limbo myself, trying to find my footing on solid ground. I doubt that'll ever happen again. It's part of letting go and accepting change. I really can relate to what you're going through. You said it much better than I could, thanks for that, too.
Thanks Patti, that’s nice. Limbo’s a weird damned place to be, isn’t it? I’m still in it, in a way, now nearly a year later, but I’m getting more comfortable there.
I love this. I am currently on sabbatical and am feeling the pangs of this quote:
"It’s one thing to live on a budget in theory, quite another in practice. When you’re standing in the money stream, you might spend too much on dinner, but you say, oh well, there’s another paycheck coming in. Standing on the bank, you know there’s no more coming in. You’ve got your lifetime supply of restaurant money right there, pal, and you better use it wisely."
At the same time, it's in some way, really beautiful - to have gotten to a point where you can actively practice this before a truly older age (myself, I'm 34). There's this delicate balance you have to achieve with feeling abundant and not completely constrained. My attitude around essentialism and what truly matters to me has helped in this aspect.
Matt Yao also talks about this and the associated feelings of dropping out of this money stream in his recent post (https://morehumanpossible.com/p/18-months-in-the-hole).
Thanks Frank. I’ll go check out that article. It’s like 10 months since I wrote that piece and I think I’ve settled in to this a bit, maybe feel a little less anxious about stepping out of the money stream. I can see now that we’ll be fine and I don’t have to act like a miser. I just need to be conscious. But you put your finger on it: it’s a balance between abundance and constraint. I went out and bought a used convertible the other day. I liked that a lot!
https://open.spotify.com/episode/5FmZTF0mlxZFXuLDyV1lPf?si=9XXx6aHORhKMDDALf9D-fw
This is a great episode that may help you in your journey discovery.
Also, love the photos of you baking.
Thanks, I’ll check it out.
I’m 32, I’ve spent the last year or so building up to an ego-death of sorts as I develop empathy.
I had a 1 week vacation coming up and didn’t know what I’d do during it.
I ended up deciding last minute to “practice being retired”
Truly, taking that perspective. Like a summary of your post - “what would I do when the only thing that matters is what I want to do?”
As you said, it strips away ego from motivation and you’re left with only the things that fulfill you. It helps you realize what is fulfilling.
Vacation like you’re retired, and you’ll retire like you vacationed.
Ah, you make it sound so simple! What’s funny is that before long the very concept of vacation goes away and you realize you aren’t on a respite from anything, you are living full-time in a life of your own creation.
Tom that is *precisely* what we should be practicing 🙂because if you “practice being retired” enough, the transition to retirement should be seamless. That’s the idea anyway
And if the transition is seamless, then when did we ever really retire? Or did we just slowly build out a life of our own creation to live out?
That process to self actualization starts with listening to our authentic self
I started this idea of vacationing like I’m retired after several people I know retired, then 2 weeks later got a job.
I realized they financially planned for retirement, but never emotionally planned for retirement. “…well….now what?…”
And yes totally agree. All advice sounds simple, and IS simple to agree with. Experiencing advice is where the real value is. Listening to advice is just to reaffirm once you’ve found it.
New subscriber here. Came in via a blurb in Khe Hy’s radreads.co newsletter yesterday. I love this post. I left my regular old engineering job life and started a laser engraving business in 2010. Still doing that today but maybe time for a change.
Hi Sara, I was wondering where a bunch of new readers were coming from! Thanks for signing on. I’ve got all kinds of questions about a laser engraving business … but the comments section is probably not the place for it.
Many years ago I picked up a short paperback “How Starbucks Saved My Life” Not exactly your story but it resonates.
Amazon link below. 👇
https://a.co/d/ewVdWoP
I’ll check it out
This was a really good read. I read much of your words in the voice of my in-law who's struggling with retirement after a high-paying career. Thanks for sharing
Oh, that’s an interesting perspective to have. Both my wife and I had fathers who kind of “spun out” after retiring—they just got really weird. I’m keenly aware of that risk, but I don’t think I’ve lost it. Having control over how I retired probably mattered a lot; I’ve seen people get pushed into retirement involuntarily and that looks to be a whole different ball game.
Thank you for sharing your journey. Work got the biggest chunck of our life and it will take time to disengage. Work though should never define us, we are define by our creator God. We plan, we save and when its time, we let go of the grind and enjoy the fruits of our labor. We always matter. Blessings to you and your family.
Tom, I found you on Reddit - someone re-posted your piece on not going paid on Substack. Great post but this one really resonates as I'm also sorting out a new life post corporate career and part of that is shaping up to be writing about what I want. Look forward to reading more from you. Best, Andrew
Hey, thanks for stopping by. “Sorting out a new life post corporate career” sounds like the last two years of my life! It takes a while, doesn’t it?
I enjoyed reading this, Tom! Transitions are brutal. But the authors of ‘Ikigai‘ suggest that meaning is found in daily activities, and there is no real retirement for the good denizens of Okinawa.
p.s. I hope you add my substack to your reading stack as well, it is free out of the gate! :-)