It's Mother's Day here in Spain, so it was a bit surprising to read this story about your relationship with your Dad. I thought the most insightful comment in the essay is that you already had mourned for your loss by the time he came back into your life. I am glad for you that you have that understanding. It's clear that you have found other (better) ways of being a father to and with your adult children. As for the essay, it takes courage to let the unresolved past remain unresolved. Thanks for sharing this story.
So you may not know this, but I "technically" have two dads. My biological father and the man who raised me whom I call dad. I've been thinking a lot about my first dad and our relationship, which was not too dissimilar to you and your dad's. I feel like I have unfinished business with him, but he's gone and I'll never get to talk to him about it. But maybe, just maybe, I can find the words someday and type them out. I have unfinished feelings I have been feeling that need to be dealt with. Thanks for this story. It might just help.
May 1, 2022·edited May 1, 2022Liked by Tom Pendergast
Hi Tom, interesting to read your take on the relationship and lack there of with your dad. I am in a very similar situation, my dad disconnected with me and my 3 boys(who he once spoiled and cherished) about 7-8 years ago. As a parent it is so hard to comprehend that one can just cut themselves off from which they used to hold so close. I’ll never get it either, done my grieving like you said. I got the call from my brother after dads major open heart surgery, as he needed some caretaking…. After that was completed never heard from him again? I have no interest in him, and it makes me sad that I can say that and it’s 100% true. It doesn’t make me sad, or feel like I missing anything from my life.
Thank you for sharing, makes me feel like I’m not so uncaring. Take care my friend,
I hardly know anyone that doesn't have a complicated relationship with their dad. Maybe it's just the type of people I'm friends with. I sometimes think that it has something to do with culture that produced the generation of men that came before ours. Great story! Your writing here is top notch. *chef's kiss*
Good job writing about a difficult relationship your your father. I liked the way your described him, I got to know him even if the pictures were not part of your story (but I'm glad they were.)
I had a very difficult relationship with my mother who was an addict so to some degree I can relate.
Wonderful essay and extremely powerful closing sentence. Just really superb, courageous writing.
My dad bailed when I was an infant and I only met him once when I was twenty-five years old. It was an odd feeling. I didn't know him and quickly assessed him for what he was: a stranger.
Just seeing he existed was all the closure I needed. I haven't talked to him since.
It's Mother's Day here in Spain, so it was a bit surprising to read this story about your relationship with your Dad. I thought the most insightful comment in the essay is that you already had mourned for your loss by the time he came back into your life. I am glad for you that you have that understanding. It's clear that you have found other (better) ways of being a father to and with your adult children. As for the essay, it takes courage to let the unresolved past remain unresolved. Thanks for sharing this story.
So you may not know this, but I "technically" have two dads. My biological father and the man who raised me whom I call dad. I've been thinking a lot about my first dad and our relationship, which was not too dissimilar to you and your dad's. I feel like I have unfinished business with him, but he's gone and I'll never get to talk to him about it. But maybe, just maybe, I can find the words someday and type them out. I have unfinished feelings I have been feeling that need to be dealt with. Thanks for this story. It might just help.
Hi Tom, interesting to read your take on the relationship and lack there of with your dad. I am in a very similar situation, my dad disconnected with me and my 3 boys(who he once spoiled and cherished) about 7-8 years ago. As a parent it is so hard to comprehend that one can just cut themselves off from which they used to hold so close. I’ll never get it either, done my grieving like you said. I got the call from my brother after dads major open heart surgery, as he needed some caretaking…. After that was completed never heard from him again? I have no interest in him, and it makes me sad that I can say that and it’s 100% true. It doesn’t make me sad, or feel like I missing anything from my life.
Thank you for sharing, makes me feel like I’m not so uncaring. Take care my friend,
Sheryl Johnson❤️
I hardly know anyone that doesn't have a complicated relationship with their dad. Maybe it's just the type of people I'm friends with. I sometimes think that it has something to do with culture that produced the generation of men that came before ours. Great story! Your writing here is top notch. *chef's kiss*
Good job writing about a difficult relationship your your father. I liked the way your described him, I got to know him even if the pictures were not part of your story (but I'm glad they were.)
I had a very difficult relationship with my mother who was an addict so to some degree I can relate.
Wonderful essay and extremely powerful closing sentence. Just really superb, courageous writing.
My dad bailed when I was an infant and I only met him once when I was twenty-five years old. It was an odd feeling. I didn't know him and quickly assessed him for what he was: a stranger.
Just seeing he existed was all the closure I needed. I haven't talked to him since.