Explaining Myself to Myself (and to You)

8 weeks in, a brief reality check

I’ve been at this for 8 weeks now, and it feels like a good time to reflect. First: thank you for subscribing to my Substack newsletter. Every time someone presses that Subscribe button it makes me feel that I am not just shouting into the darkness or, if you prefer your metaphors a little saltier, pissing into the wind (that was for you, Scott and Pete and Alex).

I wanted to explain to you and to myself why I’m doing this, which is to say, why I write. There are a couple of reasons, some of them deeper than others. If you just want to skim, check out the bold callouts. 

First and foremost, I write to explain the world to myself. I just think the world is one big beautiful mystery that we’re all trying to figure out. The question “what’s it all for?” gnaws at me every single day, and I’m trying to answer it all the time. I don’t think there’s one right answer, no ultimate truth that we can comprehend fully (though we can glimpse it, can’t we?). I know I find it really useful to see how other people figure it out. Maybe seeing how I figure things out will help you do that same. 

That’s me, trying to figure things out

I write to connect to others. This one was always true, but it got truer during the pandemic, when connecting became ever so much harder. My fondest hope is that something I write will start a conversation, and I’m always happy when that happens. Sharing your writing can be a lonely business—you often just get a few likes or thumbs-up (and those are nice), but often I have no other way of knowing if anyone has read it. So it’s really gratifying when I hear from readers, and not just positive stuff—I’d rather be told I’m an idiot than be ignored. (Note to self: check comments section for “Hey Tom, you’re an idiot!”)

I also write because I love language. It’s like a big puzzle, the English language, and you can put it together in a billion different ways—including using words that haven’t been current for centuries (huh Jenn?). You can make up your own words, for pity’s sake, and if you use them enough, you can even get others to use them! Language is like a big playground and I simply love to play in it.

I’m also writing to improve my craft. Writing is not like climbing a mountain. There’s no top. It’s just a long steady climb. So I take every piece as an opportunity to get better. For most of my life, I’ve written to a “prompt,” whether it was to meet the requirements for a dissertation, fulfill the terms of a book contract, or shill for my company.

Enjoying the climb on Mt. Baker

Now, unencumbered by the demands of the corporate world, I write purely to pursue my own interests, and that’s really been a lot of fun. I’ve started some fiction—you’ll see a little bit here and there, but there’s a longer work under way that will likely take me quite a bit of time. So the pieces of fiction you see here are me practicing some things I’m working on elsewhere. Basically, I’m just trying to get better at writing. I’m participating in this “experiment” called Story Club that’s being led by the writer George Saunders, and that’s helping me think carefully about the craft of writing. I can’t recommend his stuff enough.

In closing, I’ll just say again that I’m deeply grateful to all of you who subscribe and comment and like and share my stuff. I’m even grateful to those of you who think I’m full of it. Your participation, in whatever form, is really meaningful. Thank you!

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