I could relate so much to being along, in many ways, for the ride that is parenting - while also trying my damndest to throw my intention, attention, and purpose at it every day. We landed in a similar place when we had our first daughter. It became crystal clear we weren't going to be handing her off to a childcare facility if we could help it. And we started making moves to get us to a place where one of us, ME, could "be there" for them - hold the space for them to grow in - while they were still needing it. I loved reading this piece. I loved seeing your wife's art and I immediately wanted to know what you've been making for dinner and if you made anything you loved for Christmas. I LOVE that you got a Miata and my goodness that hike in the mountains looked so gorgeous. It got me thinking about Patience and the things we love and being honest with ourselves - one of my favorite topics.
Tom, the first post of yours that I read was "Freedom or Freefall" and I loved it. It was linked from the newsletter of our financial planner whose motto is "Retire with Purpose" - which thoroughly resounded with me. I retired at the end of March, semi-unexpectedly, but after a very gratifying and fulfilling 36.5 year career with a large tech corp. I can strongly identify with the emotions and challenges that you write about. As I've been telling friends, work can prepare you financially for retirement but it can't prepare you mentally or emotionally. The "spring break" aspect can wear thin pretty quickly for folks who are looking for challenges or ways to make a contribution - i.e. who are goal oriented. I like how, in this post, you break things down into big P and little p. That makes a lot of sense and helps with getting your head around how to move forward. I've been accumulating a number of p's, but am still looking for the one that has the appropriate blend of problem solving and ditch digging. You're so right about the time commitment aspect and how that makes something worthwhile . That's something I need to work on (I'm pretty jealous of my time). And that "miser period"? Yeah, totally identify.
Good for you to step up and in to free your wife to pursue her P. That's a true Partnership. Awesome blog - please keep sharing your journey! And Boiler Up!
Kevin, thanks so much for your note, that was really nice. Yeah, the spring break feeling ended overnight for me--that was really weird. And chasing that Big P Purpose--I still feel like that's what I should be after, but nothing has called my name quite yet. I'm trying to just let it come to me. Let me know if you come across any tips on how to make it all work; we can all learn from each other.
I shared my “3 signs that I am embracing retirement”, 20 months after entering the phase - no need to explain why I was retired (early); no need to reference past status; and no need to hurry. 😊
Ah yes, I recognize those 3 signs clearly. Not being in a hurry is the one that provides the most sustaining satisfaction for me, I think. That was fun to read similar realizations filtered through a different mind.
Welcome, I hope you enjoy your stay. I’d sure be interesting to be going through this “retirement” journey at age 40, instead of age 60. I bet that would create all kinds of wrinkles!
This is a great post. It's hard to choose which bits I enjoyed most, because it's all good. I think I'll respond to your points about status because I've been meaning to write about that for some time. I'm glad your recovery is going well. I couldn't help laughing to myself about your new car, because it reminded me of a verse from Roger McGough's poem, Let Me Die A Young Man's death https://poetryarchive.org/poem/o-let-me-die-a-young-mans-death/ Do you know it? The second verse is:
When I'm 73
and in constant good tumour
may I be mown down at dawn
by a bright red sports car
on my way home
from an all night party
Anyway, good for you, old bean. It looks like a great car. Have fun in it. Sara's drawings are amazing, by the way, though I know her main concern is whether SHE thinks they're good. :-)
Love this post, Tom. I read it back when you first sent it and again this morning.
I relate to the feeling that it might take a year or two to settle into life without feeling the pressures of status, etc. On a small scale, I often have trouble settling into a vacation mindset. Reading about your experiences is a good reminder that retirement won’t be like flipping a switch.
I think this might be my favorite post yet - just shared with my dad actually. I don't think I ever had the obsession over status quite the way or to the level you did, but I still remember freeing myself of it or at least vastly reducing it's hold on me. What a liberating feeling when it hits!
Max, thanks a bunch. I do sometimes worry that these retirement-related posts will be off-putting for my younger readers (yeah, that’s you pal), so I’m glad to hear that there’s something in it for you.
Do not worry, my friend. While maybe not completely relevant for the phase of my life, they are excellent and well thought out glimpses of what will be here in the blink of an eye. Keep it coming!
Have been meaning to drop a comment, but wanted to read and re-read the piece again! A great post, as usual and (as usual) it resonates. I've partially retired myself and the psychological freedom that's afforded me is remarkable. I don't feel obligated to the day job (I'm still teaching, but no longer in senior management) like I used to, and while I've always been happy to offer my opinion, now the gloves are off. Because I know that if I'm done ... I can just walk away. Like the Miata - I've just picked up a 14 y/o Mini One (I've definitely gone full native) and am enjoying driving that little toy around like no car I've owned before. My novel is proceeding, I've returned to producing the occasional painting and even photography's back on the table. I'm really looking forward to full retirement!
And, on another note, Sara's art is great and her focus (especially in light of your backstory about her putting herself on hold) is nothing less than inspirational. Those portraits? They're amazing.
You know, I wish “partially retired” was more of an option in this world, because I think I’d gladly sign up for that option. Hell, I did it for a year and it was pretty great. Glad it’s working out well for you. I’m looking up the Mini One … I don’t even know of it! Glad to hear your novel is going well, thanks for writing and for your kind words about Sara, I’ll pass those along.
The "problem-solving" conundrum resonates deeply with me... I enjoy hard, never-ending problems. My last gig was changing the way healthcare was reimbursed in the US through a bottoms-up effort... yikes!!!
At the same time, I value my new autonomy and control. How can I combine both into one? I struggle to know the right balance of committing without over-committing.
The best I've come up with so far (spitballing here)...
+ aim toward a massive/impossible problem (e.g. "make work, work for us")
+ be intrinsically interested in the topic (e.g. questions of meaning)
+ have the humility to tackle one tiny part of it (e.g. telling stories of people)
+ keep the pace manageable (e.g. don't try to solve all at once... the patience you mentioned)
This way I can focus on an endlessly complex problem, but do it MY way without overwhelming me. And maybe most importantly is just getting comfortable with "good enough," like it doesn't HAVE TO be something more than it has to be.
I don't know though... I may change my mind or as life changes (e.g. kids get older), something may need to evolve. I'm still figuring it out.
Well, I think you've framed your approach really well in that it seems to describe what you're up to, and it seems like it's well suited to preventing the over-committing part. Nicely done. If it expands--if you get a book deal and take on "consulting" work around it--will it still match up to your goals? Those seem like likely directions for it.
Maybe... I don't feel a rush to do either (or other options), but I'm sure it'll evolve into something else in the future. I think I'll just be a lot more aware and careful whatever I choose (will it cause analysis-paralysis? hard to know).
I know you know this from our common car group, but the Miata community is full of some of the best, least-egotistic people I've met. As are the MINI folks. ;) But beyond this, the honest accounting of your personal growth shaped around these 4 P's is lovely to read. Life is full of so many resets and revisions. I'm so glad I'm getting older, to better value these life transitions. (Even if they really, really suck sometimes.) Thanks for sharing, Tom.
Thanks Michele, that was a nice note. I wish I could get my Miata out on the track, but I’m not quite ready to do the full roll cage to make that a track car. I need to look into whether I can do autocross without it. As for your other point, I find the perspective that comes with age is really very positive, even if my body does hurt more than it used to.
"Vagmobile" *snort* I'm utterly charmed by the picture of you with the other Book Club ;) and also, Sara's drawings - wow! - you've shared the one of you before, but really, what a talent!
It's fun to follow your journey Tom, and I can relate to you exceptionally well as we seem to approach life in a similar way. So, since you have a few years on me, I am paying even closer attention to your efforts and ability to navigate your life since I may be following in your foot steps. Keep up the great work my friend!
"Status is only real if you care what other people think about you, if you need to show others that you’re a big deal because of the clothes you wear or the car you drive. But if you let go of those cares, you can truly get in touch what matters most to you."
I continue to struggle with Purpose and Patience. Yeah. And the other ones, too. They're all somewhat inescapable really. Will be nice to master one (or more) of them in the future, though. Thanks for the blueprint.
Thanks Meg. I wonder if we ever master any of these? I wonder if it's even possible. I'm accommodating myself to the idea that I may just have multiple Little P purposes and that that's enough. But I so admire what Sara has got going ...
I find convertibles FORCE you off the main road. Mine naturally tries to find a back road, or any road that is not the freeway on road trips. Top down is most amazing feeling on those back roads. One pro tip though, try to not be behind a garbage truck with the top down!
So very relatable Tom, your writing has evolved to be pleasantly objective yet descriptive of this sordid retirement affair. I blame society for forcing this awkward structure upon us, yet here we are.
You wrote about your G35, I have a G37. The S trim for special or super fast or something like that. While I liked it before I retired - my dad helped me find it and buy it - I love it now. It is supremely impractical. I Jenga my bike in and out of it by taking bits off and keeping a slab of plastic in the trunk to coax the pedals through to the tiny back seat. Before I retired, it sat in the garage between rides to the airport where I would park it in the long term lot. Driving it then, my brain was always full of logistics and what waited on the other end of that plane ride. On the way home, a longing to see my family and sleep in my bed. Now, I crank the tunes (old tech requires all kinds of cable shenanigans to get play music on my phone but the sound is spectacular) and I relax into the way it shifts and the way it moves.
So, I think the lens changes and it takes a different effort to focus again. I turn 60 next year and we are going to Patagonia! I’m off to look up your Patagonia travel company because that’s exactly the kind of trip I’ve been trying to find. I may DM you for more details; cant wait to hear about it.
I could relate so much to being along, in many ways, for the ride that is parenting - while also trying my damndest to throw my intention, attention, and purpose at it every day. We landed in a similar place when we had our first daughter. It became crystal clear we weren't going to be handing her off to a childcare facility if we could help it. And we started making moves to get us to a place where one of us, ME, could "be there" for them - hold the space for them to grow in - while they were still needing it. I loved reading this piece. I loved seeing your wife's art and I immediately wanted to know what you've been making for dinner and if you made anything you loved for Christmas. I LOVE that you got a Miata and my goodness that hike in the mountains looked so gorgeous. It got me thinking about Patience and the things we love and being honest with ourselves - one of my favorite topics.
Thanks so much for this lovely comment! Taking time to parent your kids really is the best, isn’t it?
Yes it is!
Tom, the first post of yours that I read was "Freedom or Freefall" and I loved it. It was linked from the newsletter of our financial planner whose motto is "Retire with Purpose" - which thoroughly resounded with me. I retired at the end of March, semi-unexpectedly, but after a very gratifying and fulfilling 36.5 year career with a large tech corp. I can strongly identify with the emotions and challenges that you write about. As I've been telling friends, work can prepare you financially for retirement but it can't prepare you mentally or emotionally. The "spring break" aspect can wear thin pretty quickly for folks who are looking for challenges or ways to make a contribution - i.e. who are goal oriented. I like how, in this post, you break things down into big P and little p. That makes a lot of sense and helps with getting your head around how to move forward. I've been accumulating a number of p's, but am still looking for the one that has the appropriate blend of problem solving and ditch digging. You're so right about the time commitment aspect and how that makes something worthwhile . That's something I need to work on (I'm pretty jealous of my time). And that "miser period"? Yeah, totally identify.
Good for you to step up and in to free your wife to pursue her P. That's a true Partnership. Awesome blog - please keep sharing your journey! And Boiler Up!
Kevin, thanks so much for your note, that was really nice. Yeah, the spring break feeling ended overnight for me--that was really weird. And chasing that Big P Purpose--I still feel like that's what I should be after, but nothing has called my name quite yet. I'm trying to just let it come to me. Let me know if you come across any tips on how to make it all work; we can all learn from each other.
I shared my “3 signs that I am embracing retirement”, 20 months after entering the phase - no need to explain why I was retired (early); no need to reference past status; and no need to hurry. 😊
https://open.substack.com/pub/immigrantsjourney/p/three-signs-you-are-embracing-retirement?r=17ocys&utm_medium=ios
Ah yes, I recognize those 3 signs clearly. Not being in a hurry is the one that provides the most sustaining satisfaction for me, I think. That was fun to read similar realizations filtered through a different mind.
Great piece! I’m newly, somewhat retired at 40 and could relate to a lot of this. Subscribed!
Welcome, I hope you enjoy your stay. I’d sure be interesting to be going through this “retirement” journey at age 40, instead of age 60. I bet that would create all kinds of wrinkles!
This is a great post. It's hard to choose which bits I enjoyed most, because it's all good. I think I'll respond to your points about status because I've been meaning to write about that for some time. I'm glad your recovery is going well. I couldn't help laughing to myself about your new car, because it reminded me of a verse from Roger McGough's poem, Let Me Die A Young Man's death https://poetryarchive.org/poem/o-let-me-die-a-young-mans-death/ Do you know it? The second verse is:
When I'm 73
and in constant good tumour
may I be mown down at dawn
by a bright red sports car
on my way home
from an all night party
Anyway, good for you, old bean. It looks like a great car. Have fun in it. Sara's drawings are amazing, by the way, though I know her main concern is whether SHE thinks they're good. :-)
Love this post, Tom. I read it back when you first sent it and again this morning.
I relate to the feeling that it might take a year or two to settle into life without feeling the pressures of status, etc. On a small scale, I often have trouble settling into a vacation mindset. Reading about your experiences is a good reminder that retirement won’t be like flipping a switch.
I think this might be my favorite post yet - just shared with my dad actually. I don't think I ever had the obsession over status quite the way or to the level you did, but I still remember freeing myself of it or at least vastly reducing it's hold on me. What a liberating feeling when it hits!
Max, thanks a bunch. I do sometimes worry that these retirement-related posts will be off-putting for my younger readers (yeah, that’s you pal), so I’m glad to hear that there’s something in it for you.
Do not worry, my friend. While maybe not completely relevant for the phase of my life, they are excellent and well thought out glimpses of what will be here in the blink of an eye. Keep it coming!
Have been meaning to drop a comment, but wanted to read and re-read the piece again! A great post, as usual and (as usual) it resonates. I've partially retired myself and the psychological freedom that's afforded me is remarkable. I don't feel obligated to the day job (I'm still teaching, but no longer in senior management) like I used to, and while I've always been happy to offer my opinion, now the gloves are off. Because I know that if I'm done ... I can just walk away. Like the Miata - I've just picked up a 14 y/o Mini One (I've definitely gone full native) and am enjoying driving that little toy around like no car I've owned before. My novel is proceeding, I've returned to producing the occasional painting and even photography's back on the table. I'm really looking forward to full retirement!
And, on another note, Sara's art is great and her focus (especially in light of your backstory about her putting herself on hold) is nothing less than inspirational. Those portraits? They're amazing.
You know, I wish “partially retired” was more of an option in this world, because I think I’d gladly sign up for that option. Hell, I did it for a year and it was pretty great. Glad it’s working out well for you. I’m looking up the Mini One … I don’t even know of it! Glad to hear your novel is going well, thanks for writing and for your kind words about Sara, I’ll pass those along.
Thanks for highlighting my work!
The "problem-solving" conundrum resonates deeply with me... I enjoy hard, never-ending problems. My last gig was changing the way healthcare was reimbursed in the US through a bottoms-up effort... yikes!!!
At the same time, I value my new autonomy and control. How can I combine both into one? I struggle to know the right balance of committing without over-committing.
The best I've come up with so far (spitballing here)...
+ aim toward a massive/impossible problem (e.g. "make work, work for us")
+ be intrinsically interested in the topic (e.g. questions of meaning)
+ have the humility to tackle one tiny part of it (e.g. telling stories of people)
+ keep the pace manageable (e.g. don't try to solve all at once... the patience you mentioned)
This way I can focus on an endlessly complex problem, but do it MY way without overwhelming me. And maybe most importantly is just getting comfortable with "good enough," like it doesn't HAVE TO be something more than it has to be.
I don't know though... I may change my mind or as life changes (e.g. kids get older), something may need to evolve. I'm still figuring it out.
Well, I think you've framed your approach really well in that it seems to describe what you're up to, and it seems like it's well suited to preventing the over-committing part. Nicely done. If it expands--if you get a book deal and take on "consulting" work around it--will it still match up to your goals? Those seem like likely directions for it.
Maybe... I don't feel a rush to do either (or other options), but I'm sure it'll evolve into something else in the future. I think I'll just be a lot more aware and careful whatever I choose (will it cause analysis-paralysis? hard to know).
I know you know this from our common car group, but the Miata community is full of some of the best, least-egotistic people I've met. As are the MINI folks. ;) But beyond this, the honest accounting of your personal growth shaped around these 4 P's is lovely to read. Life is full of so many resets and revisions. I'm so glad I'm getting older, to better value these life transitions. (Even if they really, really suck sometimes.) Thanks for sharing, Tom.
Thanks Michele, that was a nice note. I wish I could get my Miata out on the track, but I’m not quite ready to do the full roll cage to make that a track car. I need to look into whether I can do autocross without it. As for your other point, I find the perspective that comes with age is really very positive, even if my body does hurt more than it used to.
"Vagmobile" *snort* I'm utterly charmed by the picture of you with the other Book Club ;) and also, Sara's drawings - wow! - you've shared the one of you before, but really, what a talent!
Scott’s my oldest friend. He can call my car whatever he wants I guess. He drives a Hyundai hybrid. Yeah, Sara is really coming along.
It's fun to follow your journey Tom, and I can relate to you exceptionally well as we seem to approach life in a similar way. So, since you have a few years on me, I am paying even closer attention to your efforts and ability to navigate your life since I may be following in your foot steps. Keep up the great work my friend!
Thanks a lot Steve
"Status is only real if you care what other people think about you, if you need to show others that you’re a big deal because of the clothes you wear or the car you drive. But if you let go of those cares, you can truly get in touch what matters most to you."
Preach! 🙌
Such a liberating feeling, let me tell you! Why did it take 60 years????
Lovely post, Tom.
I continue to struggle with Purpose and Patience. Yeah. And the other ones, too. They're all somewhat inescapable really. Will be nice to master one (or more) of them in the future, though. Thanks for the blueprint.
Thanks Meg. I wonder if we ever master any of these? I wonder if it's even possible. I'm accommodating myself to the idea that I may just have multiple Little P purposes and that that's enough. But I so admire what Sara has got going ...
I find convertibles FORCE you off the main road. Mine naturally tries to find a back road, or any road that is not the freeway on road trips. Top down is most amazing feeling on those back roads. One pro tip though, try to not be behind a garbage truck with the top down!
Tips from a pro! The first time I got on a freeway in heavy traffic I was like, “What the hell am I thinking?” Haven’t done it since.
So very relatable Tom, your writing has evolved to be pleasantly objective yet descriptive of this sordid retirement affair. I blame society for forcing this awkward structure upon us, yet here we are.
You wrote about your G35, I have a G37. The S trim for special or super fast or something like that. While I liked it before I retired - my dad helped me find it and buy it - I love it now. It is supremely impractical. I Jenga my bike in and out of it by taking bits off and keeping a slab of plastic in the trunk to coax the pedals through to the tiny back seat. Before I retired, it sat in the garage between rides to the airport where I would park it in the long term lot. Driving it then, my brain was always full of logistics and what waited on the other end of that plane ride. On the way home, a longing to see my family and sleep in my bed. Now, I crank the tunes (old tech requires all kinds of cable shenanigans to get play music on my phone but the sound is spectacular) and I relax into the way it shifts and the way it moves.
So, I think the lens changes and it takes a different effort to focus again. I turn 60 next year and we are going to Patagonia! I’m off to look up your Patagonia travel company because that’s exactly the kind of trip I’ve been trying to find. I may DM you for more details; cant wait to hear about it.